Independence

Well.

I'm back. And everything has changed. That job I volunteered to pull my teeth out for? It didn't happen. I never even got called for an interview. That was really the first link in a fateful chain of events, so looking back, I'm glad it didn't happen. But in February I was devastated over it.

Then the new director arrived at work. He immediately clashed with almost everyone. My job got expanded, with no hope of a raise, or even a bonus, in sight. (In fact, they ended up replacing me with two people. Two!) I had a few heart-to-hearts with myself, my best friend at work, and my husband, and decided it was time for a change.

So as of July 1, I'm self-employed! Or unemployed, as Canon enjoys reminding me. I'm going to work for his company, which on paper, I own half of, so yeah. But technically, I've got a LOT to learn.

And I can't wait.

For now, it still feels like I'm on vacation. The best kind of vacation, where I can sleep in until 8:30 and there is no 'Sunday night stress' blahs. For one thing, Em's been home with me because her babysitter is on vacation, so I haven't had a chance to start working in earnest. But that will happen soon enough.

For now, I'm just enjoying the fact that I can stay up as late as I want on a school night, and I'm in charge of my own schedule. I couldn't have done any of it without the support of my awesome husband.

I'm the luckiest woman in the world right now. Of that I'm sure.

Stark and Magnificent

Stark? Yes. Magnificent? Well, not as much as I’d hoped. My New Year’s resolution was to blog more, and like most all of my past resolutions, this one died a quick death sometime in mid-January. Anyway, I saw that phrase describing something today. Stark and magnificent. And I liked it. Maybe I should change the name of my blog. Or maybe not. That’s a lot to live up to for someone who blogs 15 times a year.

Random:
When did they start putting symbols on candy hearts? That’s just so wrong. I want a candy heart, not a text message. Keep the Sweethearts vintage!

We had a great Valentine’s Day yesterday. A little romance in the morning, a little gourmet in the evening. Factor in the toddler that said “Hi, Grand-papa!” into the phone last night, and this adds up to the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had. I’ve won revenge over the holiday that used to torture me, and damn, it feels good. Oh, for the record, chef Canon made artichoke bruschetta, asparagus marinated in wine sauce and salmon with lemon and rosemary. Just for me! I have bookmarked this page for future reference and he’ll get a pass the next few times I’m mad at him. He’s earned it.

In other news, I’ve applied for a job that I really, really want. I promised myself that I wouldn’t tell anybody about it, but yeah, right. I just can’t keep my mouth shut when it comes to this stuff. It’d be a nice pay raise, but I’d do it for no raise. Really, the company has that great of a reputation. I’d flip to work there. I’d grovel to work there. I’d pull out a tooth to work there. I met with the recruiter, who loved my resume and cover letter, but it’s been 5 days now and I haven’t heard anything from the company, and my stomach is in knots. I’ve been taking sleeping pills for the last two nights. Me, the woman who can fall asleep on command. Last night I lay in bed, feeling drowsier and drowsier while my heart raced. It was eerie. Really, it’s dangerous to want something so much.

Because I’m a realist (Canon prefers the term “pessimist”) I’ve considered the worst-case scenario. There are lots of great things coming up at my job. We’re either remodeling or moving offices, (fingers crossed – Mama needs a window!). I’m involved in the development of a major new project. And I’ve got two smaller-term new projects to work on in the next few months. In two weeks I’ll celebrate my 7th anniversary there. I never thought THAT would happen. I’m comfortable there. I work with great people. And we’re getting a new director, which could be really great (or not, but now’s not the time, yadda, yadda). So, there is a lot to look forward to.

It’s still making me crazy. And it's completely draining.

So right now I feel stark, with the possibility of magnificent.

Towanda!

So I'm sitting here watching the Globes and the car insurance commercial with the clip from Fried Green Tomatoes on it. "Face it girls. I'm older and I have more insurance." That reminds me of how much I LOVE that movie.

An acquaintance once told me that I looked like Mary Louise Parker in that movie and it was one of the best compliments I've ever recieved. Totally off the mark, but still flattering.

So as long as I've got movies on the brain, I thought I'd share some of my chick flick favorites with you. Keep in mind I have a toddler and I've only seen like, two movies in the theater in the last 18 months. So, I watch DVDs and HBO, when I can. I won't even mention all the films that are still on my Must See list. So in that spirit, here is a short list of chick flicks that I will drop everything to watch if I notice them on TV.

The list (in no particular order):

Fried Green Tomatoes
50 First Dates
Legally Blonde
The Royal Tennenbaums
The Wedding Singer
Love Actually
Beaches
The Man in the Moon
Steel Magnolias

So that's what makes me laugh, and cry and laugh and cry at the same time. Like Ninny Threadgoode says, "A heart can be broken, but it'll keep beating just the same." Or, as Truvy put it, "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."

I'm smart. S-M-R-T!

Tonight I was lucky enough to teach two important things to two important people in my life.

At dinner tonight Em tasted her first popcorn, and discovered Heaven on Earth. In this house we are popcorn addicts. Caramel corn, cheezy corn, kettle corn, smooth buttery popcorn. Bring it on. I've never met a kernel I didn't like. Even the dogs are in on the game.

A little later I got the priviledge of explaining AutoStart to Elise, who had never heard of it. AutoStart is a little sumptin sumptin that helps us Northerners get through Hell on Earth, er, winter.

And then, AND THEN, I managed to teach myself how to do links. I know, this should not be enough to get me all hot and bothered, but it so totally is. I am a geek at heart.

Pennies from Heaven

So on our day off Monday we decided we needed to get out of the house. More importantly, we needed to get the baby out of the house. We figured the mall - with its endless sidewalks and dinosaur playland - would be the perfect spot.

After we spent some time exchanging germs with dozens of sniffling toddlers and a Brontosaurus cast in a strangely unnatural soft-plastic pose, we took off. Em made a beeline toward the rubber duckies at Bath & Body Works. In order to distract her, we turned her toward the fountain. She marched straight up to two little old grannies who were deep in conversation, looked straight up at them and said, "Hi." Then she stood there and stared up at them. Of course they thought she was adorable, because they were SMART little old grannies. And if anyone can recognize adorable, it's a granny.

Canon found some pennies and we showed Em how to pitch them into the fountain. We cheered with each tiny splash, and then spent some time looking at the glittering wishes that lined the bottom of the reflecting pool. Just as we were leaving, one of the grannies walked up to us to tell us how much she enjoyed Em, and asked what her name was. When we told her Em's full name, she practically melted into a puddle of goo right there on the mall floor. "That was my mother's name," she said. It's kind of an old-fashioned name, and I'm guessing it's been a while since she'd run into someone who shared it. The granny was positively glowing as she opened her purse and handed me a fistfull of pennies. She insisted we take them and let the baby throw them in the fountain.

As we tossed pennies and celebrated splashes, me with tears in my eyes, the old woman walked away with a faraway look in her eyes and an odd smile on her face. I hope it was a happy one.

MMVI

There were no champagne toasts at our house at New Year's. There was just two tired parents, a sleeping baby and a whirring DVD player. Actually, I think I rang in 2006 about 3 feet from the spot where I rang in 2005. And while it wasn't one of my most exciting New Years Eves, it was definitely one of my favorites.

Wishing you all heatlh, happiness and plenty of snark in '06.

1995

I had my friend Allison pick me up that night. We had been looking forward to the party for a few weeks. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving, and between my new job and my classes, I was so swamped. I really needed to blow off some steam. It's not that I was planning on going home with a certain someone else, it's just that I was planning on getting drunk. Underaged, stressed out, college student drunk. There was no way I was driving home.

Allison and I were among the first to arrive. Jax mixed us some of her trademark Crystal Light and vodka. My tongue turned bright orange as I sucked it down. The doorbell kept ringing and pretty soon the party was on. We drank, and laughed, and flirted mercilessly. We played strip Jenga. We stargazed from the third floor balcony, but damn, it was cold out there.

Until it wasn't. Until it was so jam-packed and hot inside I just had to get out for some air. And this guy, the one with whom I had flirted mercilessly for the past month, followed me out.

He was the kind of guy that was totally out of my league. He was tall, and slender, and tall, and he had great arms and a gorgeous smile. With dimples. His auburn hair had a just a hint of red lowlights. It was long -- longer than mine, and incredibly sexy. All those weeks of flirting, and I always assumed he saw me as a little sister type of kid; someone to tease, someone he found amusing. I figured he had a tall, leggy supermodel-type girlfriend at home.

But he didn't.

And we talked for a while, and laughed for a while, and I forgot about how cold it was on a November night in the upper Midwest. And suddenly he was kissing me. He had soft lips and warm hands, and I remember feeling so safe and content (and a little drunk. And a LOT surprised) wrapped up in him.

Until the standing ovation started. Apparently we weren't as alone as we had thought; someone inside had opened the blinds and there we were, making out in front of all of our friends and a few strangers. Hello, embarassment.

We decided to find a place where we could talk that was a little more private. Here's where the story diverges: There's what actually happened, what Canon says happened, and the urban legend that's been propagated by our friends for the last decade. Needless to say, I won't spoil the mystique here. I will say that I did not go home with Allison.

To this day, I'm still a little bit amazed that that moment actually happened to me. And when I use that frame of mind to look at the life we've built in the ten years since that moment, I'm still amazed. The Best Dog In The World is curled up at my feet. The Co-Best Dog In The World is sleeping on Canon's lap. Our daughter is asleep in her room down the hall. And us? Here we sit, in the home that we've built together, still making each other laugh.

And occassionally making each other roll our eyes and sigh, or scream, or cry, but it's so worth it.

It's all been so worth it.